reverse guide to reintegration
Poetry
by Quinn Lui
what damns him is not that he does not apologize,
because he does; it’s just that he’s never meant sorry
the way anyone else does in his life; he says it as hello,
as good morning, as absolve me; what damns him
is that he doesn’t even say i’m sorry it happened,
but i’m sorry you forgot, as if you could’ve set
a time and place for this kind of thing, as if he’d had
a dull-eyed secretary with too-long nails to set up
an appointment with you; what damns you both
is that he is being gentle, or thinks he is, and
in the back of your throat a dead-sick taste manages
to recognize it; it’s how bewildered the offering is,
how unused he is to this wounded-animal treatment
he’s giving you, as if you’re some woodland creature
who darted across the perfectly safe, perfectly legal
trajectory of his life, as if you surprised him somehow
and you’re paying out your mouth for your own mistake
and he’s only sorry in an abstract way, like he knows
it’s what he should be feeling but he feels nothing
at all; what damns you is that even after all this,
you still haven’t realized that something’s wrong
Quinn Lui is a Chinese-Canadian student who is easily bribed by soup dumplings or pictures of bees. Their work has appeared in Occulum, Synaesthesia Magazine, Half Mystic, and elsewhere, and they are the author of the micro-chapbook teething season for new skin (L’Éphémère Review, 2018). You can find them @flowercryptid on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram, or wherever the moon is brightest.